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You Make Your Bed, You Lay In It Thomas.

I heard those words throughout my life, though mostly my late teens and twenties. Mom loved to say that when I was in a particular situation that I wasn’t too happy about.  Maybe it was the fact I never changed the oil in my car and the engine seized (this happened more than once). Maybe it was the lousy job I was complaining about or the fact I wanted to break up with a girl I wasn’t too jazzed about.

Whatever it was, this was her way of telling me that I needed to be accountable for the choices that I made, and deal with them.

At 43, I still hear these words in my head.  My good friend Keith also used them on me as recently as yesterday. Yes, I am sure my Mother dropped that nugget of wisdom on him too while chatting with her through puffs of smoke across my kitchen table in Queens.

I know at times, I certainly didn’t want to hear it. Who does?

Sometimes we just want to ignore the jam we’ve gotten ourselves into and stick our head in the sand. That might work for a real short period of time, but it always has a way of biting us in the ass, and making matters worse.

Accountability. Responsibilty. These may not have been things she could have explained to me any other way. She left me to figure it out on my own. A simple woman who lived a hard life, she took full responsibility of raising me and my older brother after my Dad passed.

Did she complain? You bet your ass she did. But she got it done.

We are all good at finding ways to avoid. We do it at home  at work.  How much time can we spend deleting emails, instead of answering the ones that need to be addressed? How much of our lives is wasted in putting things off, only to have to deal with them at a later date, and generally when things have gotten more dire.

People do this with their health, they do it in their relationships. Always waiting for someday, forever leaving the bed unmade.

Thing is, at some point, you got to lay in it, and it always feels better when the sheets are crisp and  clean.

Thanks Mom. That’s something I will never forget.

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About the author
Tommy Spero
CD @SoulNYC Founder @MixLuvCollab @MusicMy1stLang Hubby/Dad / #Drummer / Speaker / Writer / Marketing Expert on All American Makers premiering January 2015 on @ScienceChannel


Christine Jordan

2013-03-20 11:19:38 Reply

Love this Tommy and such a nice homage to your mother; I may have to start using this on my teenage boys!! It’s something we all have to hear at any age and time in our lives. Thanks for giving me a boost – I will now get off the computer and do what needs to be done!!

    Tommy Spero

    2013-03-20 11:24:27 Reply

    You’re Welcome Christine… and thanks for reading. Let me know what you accomplish post Facebook today, and feel free to add it to what I am already sure is quite an arsenal of wisdom you are already passing on to your sons.

Bob Wieser

2013-03-20 11:57:28 Reply

You wording is right on as is the truth. For too long many people lay in it to the point its no longer comfortable. And when you finally get up and remake the bed with fresh sheets its always nice!

“Sometimes we just want to ignore the jam we’ve gotten ourselves into and stick our head in the sand. That might work for a real short period of time, but it always has a way of biting us in the ass, and making matters worse.Accountability. Responsibilty. “


2013-03-20 12:40:51 Reply

I love all your posts (so far) on this blog of yours. This one is tender. I love the way you are able to articulate what lessons you have learned and do it so tenderly when you write about your Mom.

Brother John

2013-03-20 18:10:34 Reply

Hey Tommy,

I can hear Mom saying this……and other ‘Carmella-isms’ as well….She thought we weren’t listening when she talked but as you have clearly stated from your fond recollection you were and it sunk in!!

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